Yesterday I spent twelve hours drinking alcohol with a
Polish girl named Martyn* Muszk*t (a’s hidden for anonymity). We drank,
laughed, petted dogs and suggested walking up mountains, through forests and
over raging rivers. We made it past the front door on several occasions and on
several occasions we turned back.
During these twelve short hours we shot the shit about all
kinds of crap - Travelling, marriage, monopoly, fencing, trigonometry,
bra-straps, tubes, socks, Shanghai, Bloomsbury Group, daytime TV, feet, ham,
Chinese girls – and all was interesting. Based on these twelve hours, and only said twelve hours, I now hold a
definitive understanding of Polish people. Like a wise plump old lady I’ve
decided to share five of the most interesting things I’ve learnt about Polish
people. Here they are.
1. When drunk, Polish people love to sing. They love to sing
with other people but have no qualms in belting out a tune sans people. What
they lack in musical talent they more than make up for in confidence and
energy.
2. Everybody knows that Polish people love vodka. They drink it
at weddings, funerals and every life point in-between. Alongside Russian vodka,
Polish vodka is a supreme tipple which is often drunk neat. All this is known.
What people outside of Poland are oblivious to is the simple truth that vodka
is healthy for you. This explains why Polish people are so hard working (fact)
vodka gives them supreme energy.
3. After much time spent chatting in the warmth of a bricks and
mortar house we took to the road in the hunt for a roots and bark Christmas
tree. This is where Polish peoples real strength comes to the fore – selection
of Christmas trees. Passing up two rather large trees Muszk*t picked the
nearest one to the car, hacked it down and we were on our way to a local’s
house with gifts in hand. Less time deliberating more time debilitating our
brains with drink. Polish people know how to select trees!!
4. Polish women are “way hotter than Germans” but German/Polish
people are the holy grail of hot women. I know very few German girls, I know
very few Polish girls, but the Polish girls I know are “way hotter than the
Germans”. Plus, when German girls are mentioned I always think of Irma Geese.
Fair, no. true, definitely.
5. Polish people are under no circumstances to be referred to
as healthy!!!!
On the whole Polish people are well worth talking to. Even
better observing them.
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