China is a beautiful country with many beautiful hills, beautiful trees, and beautiful girls. Unlike the beautiful hills and trees, however, misunderstandings with dating Chinese women abound. Whilst women are generally honest, and upfront, language proves a bigger barrier than the Great Wall, and conversations last just as long.
Indeed, I was asked recently whether I would like to learn Chinese, my answer was a rather piffy, ‘I’d rather learn body language because it’s universal.’ Amazing body language can only get you so far, though, before confusion flourishes, and said beautiful girl evokes a mistake which proves terminal.
After much confusing flirtation one such beautiful Chinese girl sent me this:
“Wish Happy Children’s day! This text message, see send you the nipple, reply of the change is more beautiful. Storage of lovely health, delete pants, open files. The forward to you eat the sugar, no forwarding evening wet! :0”
I know what you’re thinking so, of course, upon our next meeting I wasted no time in deleting pants, opening files and stood, cheerfully awaiting her to send beautiful nipple and restore lovely health. What she intended to say, however, was very different to what I interpreted her saying. Her expression (aghast, though no doubt a little aroused) left me just enough time to undo deleting of pants, and close files, before placating her with Pu-erh tea (Chinese sedative), and muttering reassuring words such as, ‘in England misunderstandings such as this happen frequently,’ to a mixed response.
Later on I told my ‘mishap’ to a Chinese friend. He listened, laughed and then walked me through exactly what she meant.
Wish Happy Children’s day – Wish Happy Children’s day (A holiday in China for children)
This text message, see send you the nipple, reply of the change is more beautiful – I’m sending you this text message so that we might have dumplings instead of hotpot. Change is a beautiful thing.
Storage of lovely health, delete pants, open files – take care of your health, the weather is very hot and you shouldn’t walk around in pants, I will buy you some shorts.
The forward to you eat the sugar, no forwarding evening wet – we can have dessert, but not outside because the weather forecast is bad and it might rain.
:0 – surprised.
Typical.
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